Big Brother 9 Live Feeds, February 25th, Part One – Wise Up Sucker(s)

I’m trying to atone for titling one of the feed recaps with that horrible Margaritaville song by giving this one the title of a great tune by Pop Will Eat Itself. Plus, it’s fitting on so many levels. Am I forgiven?

So last night we had an evening full of debauchery, led by Natalie the former stripper who loves god, bikinis, and coffee. That just never gets old, does it? Today I’m expecting a lot of rehash conversations, and a discussion about how much of that (if any) will be shown on TV, which will lead to the inevitable (and incorrect) conclusion that the ratings must be going through the roof. Let’s see if I’m right.

It’s a slow morning, as Joshuah gets up first, followed by Sheila and Alex. Sheila seems to be trying to find a loophole in the whole “couples” theme, asking about the specifics of what BB told them. She’s got some nail polish, and is writing “Hudson” – and then we get flames. When we come back a couple of minutes later, the paper towel is gone. No idea what that was all about.

Other people are waking up now, and drinking coffee out of bowls. The sun is shining, so there are a few people putting on their swimsuits to catch some rays. Not much to report on here. BB issues a wakeup call at 11am.

Sharon and Josh talk about the vote. It sounds like they’re still set on keeping Alex and Amanda, and both of them say that they trust Amanda now. Silly hamsters. I think Sharon just enjoyed making out with Alex last night and doesn’t want to send him home now.

Speaking of which, Amanda and Matt are in the kitchen discussing the prior evening’s events. Amanda is trying to act cool about Alex and Sharon’s kissing, but she’s sure talking about it a lot. Natalie comes out saying that she feels fine this morning because she drank a lot of water before she went to bed. The fact that they didn’t really have all that much alcohol might have something to do with it as well.

Matt and Natalie head for the storage room, where Matt coaches Natalie on what she should say to Joshuah and Sharon. He wants her to remind them of everything Amanda has pulled since the beginning, and mention that she plays the “dad” thing up for sympathy. Matt is emphasizing how this is all up to Natalie now, to ensure their safety. He tells her to watch Amanda, and not let her get any alone time with Joshuah and Sharon.

Ah-ha. Here we go. Natalie goes outside to sit with Joshuah, who is gabbing with Allison and Alex about last night. They all think that the ratings for BB: After Dark must be … you guessed it … through the roof. Alex thinks they should be interviewed live on Showtime tonight about everything that went down. Because apparently Alex doesn’t understand the whole point of BB:AD.

Lot of intermittent flames today, because of the small talk. For example, Allison once dated a pro golfer whose name is … flames. Amanda had a friend who perished in a wood chipper … flames. Matt went out with this girl … flames. I get why they have to do this, but wood-chipper guy could hardly sign a release, so we should have got a pass on that one.

Most of the guys decide that it’s time to work out. Alex and Natalie are playing basketball. Sheila’s gone back inside because she’s decided that she’s fried herself sufficiently for the day. Again, not much going on. At least not much that would make for interesting reading. BB calls an outdoor lockdown, so everyone’s outside now.

Amanda and Natalie decide to do water aerobics in the pool, after both attempting to lift weights and failing miserably. That could be because the guys gave them 95 pounds to lift on their first try. Ryan gets in the pool too, and ends up talking with Natalie about how much of last night’s festivities will be shown on TV, and how they must be the most outrageous hamsters in the history of the show. Sigh. Natalie actually says that it wasn’t that bad – she didn’t show her boobs much. What the eff? Her twins got more camera time than most of the other houseguests combined. Ryan is a little concerned that Jen will dump him because of it.

There’s a pool game going on, some people are stretching and doing yoga on towels, and others are just sitting around watching. Like me. Just sitting around watching. I need to get out more.

Sheila thinks she has figured out the “Hudson River” thing. The exact quote is ” Hudson River Virus: those that are affected by it will be isolated from the outside world.” So she thinks that those evicted are flown to New York, because that’s where the Hudson River is.

The lockdown is over, and Allison and Matt are talking alliances. Allison offers that James and Chelsia told her that they’re in a partnership with Joshuah and Sharon. Well yeah they told her that, because she and Ryan are supposed to be a part of it. Oy. She floats the idea of a 6-person alliance with her and Ryan, Sheila and Adam, and Mattalie. She says she has to talk to Ryan about it, of course. Matt is all over this idea, and says that whatever Amanda offers her to stay, he’ll offer more. She wants him to promise not to put her/Ryan up if they win HoH next week, which he does. Hasn’t he promised just about everyone that now?

Upstairs, James, Chelsia, Joshuah, and Sharon are talking about Allison and how they’re nervous because she’s spending so much time with Amanda. Chelsia plans to ask her about it later. They still think that they’ll be able to save Alex and Amanda, and plan to tell them at the last minute that they’re safe as long as they offer them safety in return if they win HoH. Wanna know what the rest of the plan is? Win alternate HoH’s for the rest of the game. Yep, that’s a winner all right.

Joshuah is peeved that Alex told a sob story about losing his dad on 9-11, but didn’t tell them that he got a settlement afterwards. Josh seems to think that this settlement was worth at least a million dollars, but probably closer to six million. Please. First of all, who in the world would have come up with the cash to give settlements of $6 million to all of the survivors of 9-11 victims? Second of all, why does that make losing his dad any easier? Josh doesn’t like that Alex carries that cross around with him all the time for sympathy (the one that’s made out of metal from the Twin Towers).

Now they’re plotting how to make people on slop miserable. They want to get on a team with Alex and Amanda next week for the food comp and lose it on purpose. Then, they’ll take all of the pickles and honey and all of the other approved slop-condiments, and hide them in the HoH room to make things worse for A & A. Very clever. Hide food from the girl who passed out from low blood sugar. Idiots. Someone mentions that they should hide everything with sugar in it the day before the HoH comp so Amanda can’t possibly win. Finally Sharon tells them they’re going too far. Yay for Sharon.

Matt is telling Allison that he made the finals for that horrible Tila Tequila show, but decided to do BB instead. Lucky us.

Joshuah and Sharon hit the storage room and stress out over Allison’s newfound relationship with Amanda. Which isn’t all that bad when you consider that the plan is to vote out Matt and Natalie anyway, so why are they all concerned about the vote? These two (and most of the rest of them, I guess) haven’t yet figured out that strategies have to be flexible. You can’t plan out the rest of the game in week two.

Heh, Ryan just came outside and said that he was called to the DR, and Amanda told him to tell them she’s not feeling well again. He says, “Oh god, I think Amanda’s dying again.” I know, I know. I gave the others shit for making fun of Amanda’s near-death experience, but this guy isn’t plotting to take her down again. There’s a difference, even if it’s a subtle one. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Joshuah and Chelsia get Allison upstairs in the HoH room, and immediately start in on her about her new BFF Amanda. Allison says that Amanda thinks they have a bond now because they were both rushed to the hospital on the same night. She doesn’t trust Amanda though, and tells them all not to worry, she hasn’t made any deals. Ultimately, she says, the decision will be Ryan’s. Oh sure, leave your partner responsible. Allison says that, ideally, Matt and Natalie will go this week, then Alex and Amanda, and then Sheila and Adam. Chelsia agrees, and tells everyone not to worry because she won’t let Alex and Amanda win HoH next week. I’d really like to know how, since she can’t play.

Allison throws out a scenario where they keep Matt and Natalie this week, but Chelsia won’t even consider it. Allison leaves and James comes up, so Joshuah and Chelsia go for the instant drama and tell him that Allison seems to be flipping and that they’re really worried. Joshuah is visibly shaken, which isn’t all that unusual or surprising for Josh. James tells Joshuah to bring it all out in the open – both deals that Allison has made with Matt/Natalie and Alex/Amanda. Then let her try and wriggle her way out of it. Don’t see how that will help much, but whatever.

Allison goes to Natalie and tells her about the conversation she just had with Joshuah and Chelsia. She confirms that she’s with Mattalie and Sheila/Adam. I applaud Allison for actually playing the game, but she’s really overplaying her hand right now. Just shut the hell up and wait it out a bit.

Joshuah goes right to Amanda and tells her not to trust Allison, because she’s going to vote Amanda and Alex out this week. Amanda is scared now, because she thinks that Sheila will follow along and do whatever Allison tells her to do.

Ryan and Allison take to the hammock to discuss the vote. Ryan thinks that they should team up with Matt and Natalie, and Allison acts like this is a fabulous and new idea that she hadn’t considered. Now she’s even playing her partner – you know, the one she was afraid was going to make deals without including her? She tells him to go and talk to Matt, and make a deal with him. Ryan says that he likes and trusts James and Chelsia, but he’s not keen on Joshuah and Sharon.

Ryan is unsure, because he feels badly going against James and Chelsia and Josh and Sharon, after they all kept him in the game and sent Jen and Parker home. He wants to make an alliance with Matt and Natalie, but also knows that if Sharon and Joshuah win HoH, they’re screwed. Allison coaches him to stay non-committal then, and not tell anyone how he’s voting. Then he can take all the time he needs to think about their options, and no one can come back on him about it.

I much prefer the strategy sessions to the stripping and hot tub shenanigans, don’t you? More coming up in part two!

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Big Brother 9 Live Feeds, February 17th – Part II, A Wild Night For Sure!

Okay, let’s hope we’re through with the uncomfortableness of the first half of the day. I just want to be done talking and arguing about Amanda’s dad. R.I.P.

It only gets more weird, Folks. Dinner is being prepared, and as Amanda comes out of the sauna with huge rollers in her hair, she stands and squeezes her butt for people to notice it, then gets mad at Adam for making a crack, saying the rollers can only make her look better, and for some reason he is being punished, doing pushups.

Here’s shocking news. Natalie used to work at Hooters.

Sheila would like plastic surgery, and thinks Dr. Will is the perfect candidate to do it, and he can then do it on Dr. 90210. James gets on her case about being an actress, and she tells him she knows where he’s going with that. He counters that he left his emotions at the door, as there’s just no room for that here. Allison emerges just then from cleaning the toilet and announces that she cleaned 20 boogers off the back of the toilet. James looks at Sheila and tells her that’s her partner’s doing. She passes by that, for once, and talks about James’ great attitude instead. Is this an all-new Sheila? He asks about her ex, and she says he is in Joan Jett’s band, and is married and living in Jamaica. Apparently it’s not Scott Baio they’re discussing.

Discussing her book, Sheila again says this is only to get publicity for the book and also says her ghostwriter is getting 50%. James talks about knowing a Korean couple that wrote a book on power yoga, and he was helping them shop the book before he went out on the road. Sheila talks about her acting and says no one ever took her seriously with it, because of Penthouse. James admits to doing some acting in the past as well, but says he couldn’t get into it, as he didn’t like messing with people’s emotions. But … you choose to then do BB? He makes a tie-in, saying he’s noticed how people have changed in the house, which has Sheila saying three era a bunch of “batshit crazy” people in the BB house this year. “Hi Pot. This is Kettle. You’re black.”

The talk goes back to BB, as James says what’s good about having HoH is these shower, the power, and escaping the fights. They talk about getting booted, then flying to NYC for The Early Show, then back to L.A. for House Calls and People Magazine. Sheila mentions she didn’t go through the normal audition process, as they were looking for an older woman to shake things up a little. She answered a Craigslist ad, but she didn’t know it was for BB. Maybe it’s just me, but I find it hysterical that BB found some of these people on Craigslist. Sheila also says Evel Dick isn’t her type, but Dr. Will is. To each his own.

Absolutely nothing of major importance goes on for quite some time here, the eating of slop, shaving chests, playing basketball, etc. Allison makes an interesting statement, though, noting that the guys in the house seem to be in charge. I have to say I’ve noticed the same thing. The girls seem to let the guys make the decisions over who to evict, nominate, etc. They’re setting womanhood back fifty years! All they need is a nifty apron and Amanda’s high heels, and we’ll have a house of Mrs. Cleavers. As if to exemplify the point. Natalie thanks Matt for being nice to her today.

Amanda seems to be worried being on the block. She tells Allison she won’t nominate her again, then talks to Ryan with the same, saying she hasn’t been campaigning. He thinks he and Allison are the swing votes this week. It’s not that that has Josh worried, though as he tells her if she were a bird, she’d be a “cock-a-tease.” Then they dance together. Alrighty. Alex is busy with Natalie tossing slop on each other. After, Allison plucks Alex’ eyebrows for him. The fun ends when BB gives the house beer and wine.

It’s happening again. Natalie chugged a beer upon request, but won’t do anymore until Show-time starts. Sigh. Everyone is planning a group bubble bath for that time as well. No more beer pong. This year we have a drinking game that includes stripping. Natalie and Chelsia will strip and the guys will pay them with fake money. Josh will be the host. Whoever gets more money gets a back massage from the guys. I don’t want to know anything about the “Posing Pouch” that Adam brought with him and that Josh is wearing over his regular underwear, claiming a lack of junk is making it not totally filled.

Josh goes to change and comes out wearing a pink shirt and the posing pouch, with just a thong on underneath. The two girls change as well, and are now wearing men’s black shirts and long black socks. Interesting. The girls strip together, with the names Natalia and Gretchen, and it’s a very strong R rating on this one. Josh even gets in on the action a little, I suppose he can’t help himself. Lots of lap dances, including on Ryan (man, will Jen be pissed), and then Natalie and Chelsia kiss, with the guys shouting for them to make out.

It only gets more wild after this as cucumbers and whip cream come out. Natalie quite enjoys the cucumbers in two different ways, I’ll let you figure it out, and James and Chelsia enjoy the whip cream … off of Natalie, as both girls have their tops off. I’m just reporting it.

After, Natalie is declared the winner, and she adds that she hopes her dad isn’t watching, as she’s never made out with a girl before, and Chelsia is absolutely shocked about that. Natalie seems to be more comfortable topless, not putting her top back on, and everyone begins jumping in the pool. Josh has no clothes on, and the other guys are in their underwear. Natalie and Chelsia go topless and play chicken in the pool. Natalie wins, but BB stops the fun, telling them to knock it off. The two girls apologize to their family and friends and make out again, as Natalie says she’ll try anything once.

This turns into a full out orgy, with everyone making out with each other. Matt and Chelsia, Matt and Natalie, Chelsia and Josh, Natalie and Josh, Chelsia and Natalie and Josh, Sharon and Matt, Chelsia and Alex. Ryan is out in the fun, but refuses to participate. Sheila, calling it porn, is in the kitchen watching, with Allison and Amanda. Adam even gets a little from Chelsia and Natalie. Sharon refuses to kiss the girls, and Matt refuses to kiss Josh. Matt also refuses Natalie, who chases him around trying to catch him, and Josh comments, “That beaver is hungry!”

The party’s over, and everyone showers. Too bad it’s not a cold shower day. Sheila must have felt she was missing out on something, as she tells James she will make out with him sometime before she leaves. Party pooper Amanda starts talking about STDs.

This all leaves everyone a little unsure now about the plans for eviction. They all thought they wanted Matt and Natalie out, but everyone just had entirely too much fun. Chelsia tells Allison she has other concerns. She’s worried James will now think she’s into Matt, but she really likes James, with the talks they have every night. Yet, why was she put with James to begin with? She starts to worry about setups and is just very confused.

The guys are talking outside, and Matt again says he’s trying not to hurt Natalie (apparently that’s why you let a girl give you a blow job … to let her down easy), but he’d really love to “bang” Sharon. James wants Chelsia. They also take over Parker’s job rating the girls. Matt loved Chelsia’s legs tonight. The talk returns to the game as Matt refuses to campaign against Alex, and thinks Amanda is campaigning. He is starting to wonder if Operation Condor is aimed at him. He wants to go remind Allison of all the stuff Amanda has done to her so far, hoping that will help the vote.

The talk goes to next week as well, as Josh worries about not being able to play for HoH next week, and knows that makes him a target, if not even backdoored. He also worries that he’s been left out of the strategizing being holed up in HoH. Everyone is wondering why Josh and Amanda are suddenly close. James says he’ll do anything to stay in the house, even break his hand thinking no one would want to evict someone that’s injured. We know the guy is homeless, but he keeps telling us he wants it that way. Now you have to wonder about the truth behind that.

The guys discuss Alex, and how “by the book” he is, being that he still lives with him mom, and his grandma lives downstairs. Matt says he knows Alex owns his own DJ company, as he promised him a job if he moved out to L.A. He also knows Alex’s father left him money. Adam didn’t know any of this, and that surprises Josh, how out of the loop Adam is. I’m telling you, he’s Zach II.

James still says he’ll do whatever he needs to to stay. He even says he’ll cool it with Chelsia for now, as it seems that their relationship is a worry to others. I don’t think he can, though, as unlike the others in the house, I think he has actually fallen for her, and I think she’s starting to do the same.

The guys come back inside for snacks, and discuss how great it is to be up at this time. They also complain about their mates, with Adam complaining about sleeping next to “Grandma.” I don’t think she’s too thrilled about it either. Matt asks if he wants to switch. Y’know, those wouldn’t be bad couples!

The talk is just random after this about winning the money and cashing the big check at the bank, Parker, and Adam’s booger-wiping. They also talk yet again about wanting HoH next week. They wonder if the season is going to be real short, because of the couples, then guess a couple might be coming back, with the possibility of an all new couple. It’s odd they don’t even guess that maybe it will be individual after this.

Eventually the guys go to bed, and all is quiet except for James who just can’t seem to settle down. What a wild night. I don’t blame him for not being able to settle down.

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