Big Brother Live Feeds, March 10th, Part Two – Secret Agent Natalie Needs a Clue

Matt and Ryan are discussing the fact that Sharon said she’d put Ryan and Adam on the block and then backdoor Matt if she could. Matt thinks that his “boys” are two steps ahead of Sharon, and this couldn’t possibly happen. Well, it could really, if Sharon won HoH. Ryan is positive that James is talking out of his ass and there’s no way he’ll be loyal to them throughout the rest of the game.

James is telling Joshuah that Chelsia isn’t happy that James offered to go against her. Really? That’s truly shocking. Josh says that no matter what happens, he and James will be friends outside the house. I’m thinking that Joshuah will be an even bigger James fan after he sees some of his film work. Josh suggests that James should go upstairs and let Matt and Ryan shave off his mohawk to get them to trust him. What? Is there some sort of male shaving/bonding ritual that I was unaware of? Joshuah sighs and says that the whole house will be after him for the rest of the game because he’s the strategic mastermind, and there’s nothing he can do to change that. Oh, woe is Joshuah.

James talk to Chelsia, and she asks him if he would really turn on her. He says he doesn’t know, but this is his only chance to stay in the game and he’s willing to risk everything. He didn’t plan to fall in love on TV, blah blah blah. He goes to talk to Sheila, and tells her that he’s willing to cut Chelsia loose to stay. She doesn’t believe him, so he changes tactics and says that Sharon doesn’t deserve to be there. She was already evicted once, and hasn’t done anything to make her place in the game. You know, except win a few competitions.

Sheila points out that it was Joshuah’s idea to backdoor Matt, but it’s James on the block because it’s a personal thing with Matt. There’s no way they’re going to change their minds and boot Sharon this week. James is trying to act like he’s not a threat and this is such a huge shock that anyone would target him. He doesn’t want to leave this way. What way? With people deciding to vote you out? That’s how the game works, Sparky.

Sharon is in the backyard with the Bros, telling Ryan that she wouldn’t ever target him or nominate him, even though he heard that she would. Then she tells the rest of the guys that she doesn’t shit-talk like everyone else in there. Matt apparently found out that he was being called Tom Selleck with Down’s Syndrome, and gets a laugh out of that. Sharon mentions that Chelsia should be sent out of the house right behind James, and Matt says that he thought they wanted him out next. Sharon assures him that he isn’t going anywhere.

Lots of circular game talk going on now with the Bros & Hos alliance. Not much new to report here. BB gives the guys a new inflatable basketball hoop, so at least now they have something to do besides playing pool.

Joshuah, Natalie, and Chelsia are rehashing past seasons of BB. Josh says that the memorable people never win, and cites Maggie as an example. I see that one, but how about Dr. Will? Or Evel Dick? I’d even go out on a limb and say that Booger was memorable, but for all the wrong reasons. Joshuah is still yapping about dying his hair pink in honor of James. Ah yes, the BB Dead Man Walking Memorial Hairdo. Right.

Matt, Ryan, Adam, and Natalie are talking about the upcoming HoH comp, and doing a bit of Jedi drilling. Natalie the genius speculates that the comp might be based on questions. Oy. As this is going on, Chelsia, James, and Josh are indeed doing their pink hair/streaks. When they finish, all three of them gather at the door to try and eavesdrop on the others.

Ryan wonders what will happen if James comes back after being evicted. Matt says not to worry – if anyone comes back it’ll probably be Allison. They all get a good laugh over this.

James tells Joshuah that Sharon was the original target this week, and Chelsia was just a pawn. Josh is surprised, because he had assumed all along that Chelsia and James were the main targets. Josh says that Sharon is upset right now because someone (James) told Ryan and Adam that they were her next targets, and now they don’t trust her. James wants to call her out and make her step up and start playing the game. See James, this is one reason people want you gone. You don’t “call them out” over every little thing you hear.

Sheila tells Natalie all about Matt and Sharon kissing. Natalie doesn’t understand why Matt would kiss her, since he’s told her she’s the most boring houseguest in history. Sheila mentions that Sharon isn’t attracted to him at all, and now Natalie doesn’t get why you would ever kiss someone you’re not attracted to. I mean, without alcohol, I’m assuming.

James is still trying to work the guys to keep him around this week as they play pool. He offers to throw the next two HoH comps, and then says maybe he should just pray with Natalie and hope for the best. Joshuah is sitting in the hot tub, hearing the entire conversation. James is calling Sheila out for being a floater, and telling Ryan that he saw him with Sharon in the hammock. James wishes he “had a vagina” so he could stay in the house.

Now he’s offering to throw three HoH comps. No one seems to be even considering this option, so he yells that he’s going to lose to the most boring person on earth. Adam goes inside and tells the girls that James is wigging out.

Chelsia tells James that maybe Matt and Natalie are actually a couple in real life, and they’ve been talking shit about Natalie right in front of him. She thinks that would explain why he pretended he didn’t like her at first, and why he got so angry about the pickle juice. She’s convinced herself that this must be true, and goes to Josh with her suspicion. Then she asks Adam what he thinks. Finally James tells her enough is enough.

A little while later though, Joshuah seems to be piecing something together. He says that Matt had talked about a stripper he met in Vegas, so he must have been talking about Natalie. Oh man, here we go. He’s getting all worked up, and pissed off. Now Chelsia floats the theory that Adam and Sheila know about Matt and Natalie and didn’t tell anyone. So Josh is even angrier. He thinks that they should tell the rest of the house what they’ve learned and turn everyone against Mattalie. Sigh.

Now they’re figuring that everyone in the house is connected to each other, except for them of course. This is ridiculous. Chelsia claims that she heard Mattalie having sex, and that Adam covered for them because he’s in on the whole thing.

Natalie and Matt are in the spa room, and Natalie is trying to get him to tell her about kissing Sheila. She tells him to remember the promises they made to each other, and when he doesn’t catch on, she just spills that Sheila told her he kissed Sharon. Matt flat out denies it. Dumbass – he could have talked his way out of that! He tells her that he would have told her if he had kissed someone in the house, and Sheila must have said that just to split them apart because they’re still a strong team. He keeps calling her his “agent” and says that she can still work for him. She says that she thinks that’s why she was put in the house, to keep him safe. For the love of god Natalie, get a grip.

Adam joins Chelsia, James, and Josh, and they tell him about their theory that Matt and Natalie know each other and are probably a couple. Adam plays like it’s possible, and when they ask him if he’s in on the ruse, he says he isn’t. He then goes to Ryan and tells him that the other group is getting paranoid and what they said to him. Ryan laughs it off.

Matt tells Natalie that people are going to say shit to her to try and break her, so if anyone tells her that he was kissing someone or talking bad about her, she should say that she doesn’t care and isn’t into him any more. She promises to do this, and everything is fine in Natalie-World. She reminds him that he owes her a massage. Argh.

Matt is pissed off that his secrets are getting out, and he goes outside and tells James that his chances just got better. James wants to know what happened, and Matt just says that the game’s most boring player said some “bold” things about him.

Matt goes back inside and tells Adam and Ryan that he’s messing with James and making him think that he has a chance to stay. A little while later, James, Joshuah, and Chelsia ask Matt straight up if he knew Natalie before coming in the house. He says no way, and Josh points out that they’ve both been to Vegas and both been to rehab. Matt again says no, and that if his girlfriend were in the house he’d be banging her because he’s gone too long without sex.

Now there’s just general chatter about what the next twist might be, because they’re sure that BB isn’t done with them yet. They discuss previous twists, and all agree that Eric was a horrible player and did a terrible job with the America’s Player thing. Hee. They speculate that maybe Sheila is someone’s mother, or maybe there’s another relationship going on that they haven’t considered yet.

After a short game of basketball outside, everyone decides that BB is probably going to wake them up early tomorrow so they’d better get to bed. And that’s pretty much that for the day. James and Chelsia are all kissy-kissy in bed before drifting off to sleep, but it’s not like that’s anything new. Everyone is sound asleep before the BB:After Dark show has even wrapped up.

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Big Brother 9 Live Feeds, March 10th, Part One – James Tries to Make a Move

Sorry for this being a bit late folks. I’m behind schedule on just about everything, and after all of the action on the feeds on Sunday, Monday was, well, really boring. So let’s get to it, and please forgive me if I skip over some mundane details.

BB lets the hamsters sleep in until almost 10am. Joshuah makes some coffee and then goes outside and asks the lord to help him get through the day with “these idiots.” Feed watchers around North America nod their heads in agreement. He has another conversation with himself in the backyard, saying that he’d probably have more fun in prison than he’s having there. As I’m thinking to myself, “Why don’t you leave then?” he says that he wants to stay and bring the rest of the idiots down, just like he did with Allison and Amanda.

I know I said a couple of days ago that I liked Joshuah, and I still think he’s good for the comedy factor when he’s not freaking out on the women, but now I understand all of the e-mails I got telling me he’s a douche. After the past couple of days, I have to agree with you.

Joshuah goes on to himself, saying that Ryan is the biggest pussy in the house and hopes Jen has a strap-on. Then he congratulates Natalie on killing two children, but at least she got her boob job so she got her fairy tale ending. Can someone explain to me why this was funny last year when Dick did it, but coming from Joshuah it makes me want to strangle him?

Looks like everyone else except Natalie and Sheila, who are apparently new BFF’s, are still in bed. Even Josh gets tired of listening to himself talk and heads back to bed. Nat and Sheila gab about pickle-juice-gate and how Natalie can’t believe anyone was surprised that she went to Matt and told him about the plan to get him out. She’s still yapping about him being her partner. Gah.

There are a few more people getting out of bed now, and lots of small talk going on. Sharon thinks that Natalie is a lot like Amber from last season. Well, let’s see. Delusional? Check. Thinks she’s going to be famous after the show? Check. I think that’s where the similarities end though, and really, you could make the same comparison between Joshauh, Matt, Jen, and any other number of current houseguests and Amber.

Sheila’s wearing her bathing suit in the pool, but she’s got the unitard tied to her head so technically I guess she’s still wearing it. Hee.

Joshuah is laying on his bed reading his letter from home again and crying. See, he’s closer to Amber than Natalie is. He tells himself that he has to do this for just six more weeks, and that he can pull himself together long enough to go in the pool. Man up, dude.

Josh goes outside and starts talking, quite graphically, about sex and positions and accessories and whatnot. Matt can’t handle the graphic detail and heads inside. He runs into Adam in there, and tells him that Sharon mentioned the initial plan for this week was to backdoor Adam until Natalie came along and it changed to getting Matt out. Adam is really surprised to hear that his name was mentioned.

BB calls an outdoor lockdown. Joshuah is now saying that he’ll probably get a gay dating show like The Bachelor out of this. What about the boyfriend, Josh? How will he feel about that?

Sharon talks to Sheila, trying to get her to commit to an alliance with her and Joshuah. She says that the three of them will have the numbers to at least force a tie, assuming one of them wins HoH and puts up two from the other side. Sharon mentions that soon people are going to start going after the floaters, so Sheila needs to make a decision. They agree that Ryan shouldn’t win because then Jen would get her hands on the money, and they don’t want Matt or Natalie to win either.

Sheila is honest and says that she likes Sharon, but she will not commit to any alliance that includes Chelsia. They talk about Matt, and Sheila says that if she wins HoH, she plans to turn the table on Matty and manipulate him like he thinks he’s doing with Natalie and Sharon.

Natalie is talking to Joshuah, Chelsia, and James about how well she’s played the whole house. She says that Matt being mean to her has all been an act, and that she’s not in love with him. According to Nat, all of their fights have been staged to make the house think they’re not really a strong team. James gets angry about this and goes inside to confront Matt. Matt tells him that not all of their fights were staged. James wants to know if Natalie came right to him and reported the plan to backdoor him, and Matt says she did. James is even madder now.

James asks Matt and Adam what he needs to do to stay in the house. He says he has no problem turning on Joshuah and Chelsia – anything they want him to do, they just have to name it. He wants to stay and play for the money. Matt says it’s too late, and they can’t trust him now because he chose the other side. James says it isn’t fair because he didn’t have the chance to play for the veto. Matt is unsympathetic, saying that James was in on the hand-shaking deal to get Matt out this week, and he doesn’t believe for a second that James would be willing to cut Chelsia loose.

Matt brings up the pickle juice as well, and James says it isn’t so bad – he was angry and it’s not like he pissed on Natalie or smeared poop on her. Good grief. James goes on to say that Matt chose sides too, so it’s not just his fault. Uh, yeah, but when you choose the opposing side to the guy whose ass you’re trying to kiss, then it’s problematic James. Matt says that he’ll think about it, because they still have a couple of days.

James keeps going, offering to sleep with Adam, swap girls with Matt, or do anything else they want him to. He says he tried to break his fingers in the DR but they wouldn’t let him. Give me a break. He offers to throw HoH comps too. James is concerned that Sharon is acting so confident and not even trying to stay in the game, but he really, really wants to stay.

Meanwhile, Natalie is telling Sheila and Sharon that, if she wins HoH, they’re both completely safe. They’re trying to make various things out of slop, destroying the waffle maker in the process.

For some reason, Ryan goes over to Josh and tells him that James is flipping sides. Joshuah says that they definitely have a problem, and they’ll talk later. James is busily telling Matt all about “Operation Crooked Eye” and says that he has no secrets, but Sharon is a closed book.

Josh goes to Sharon to see if he can get some dirt. Sharon tells him that Matt said there was a better chance of his mother being dropped in the house than her leaving this week. Heh.

Now Joshuah is talking to Matt and telling him that he’s planning to vote to keep Sharon in the house. Matt is suspicious, and tells Josh that he heard the opposite. Josh pretends that the whole idea is preposterous.

Things settle down for a while now, as Matt gets his hair cut and others are lying out to get some sun. So we’ll wrap up part one and I’ll see you back in a while for part two!

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Big Brother 9 Live Feeds, March 9th, Part III, Josh, Josh, and More Josh

Everyone seems to finally be settling down a little after the shock of James going up on the block. Natalie has the pickle juice stench off, and Matt has finally topped saying he’s going to mess everyone up and has also stopped telling Josh he treats women badly. Honestly, it’s like Backwards Day around here or something.

Well, I thought they were settling down. Matt and Natalie are hiding people’s things on top of the sauna, most likely Josh’s or Chelsia’s, and James is admitting to Chelsia that he was the one that suggested to Ryan to put her on the block. She asks why, and he explains he was trying to make it seem like he wasn’t that tied to her. It kind of didn’t work, huh?

Josh and Chelsia are comparing notes again, and he says according to Ryan’s own girlfriend, he’s prejudiced. The joke about wearing white sheets around him. James wonders if he’ll have women’s groups hating him from throwing pickle juice on Natalie, and Chelsia tells him, “Hell no; do it again!” As James jumps into the pool with all his clothes on, Josh decides to dye a section of his hair pink in his honor. Josh probably figures correctly that if he, Sharon, or Chelsia win HoH next, Adam and Sheila will try to flip, and Ryan might too.

Josh realizes his Prada sunglasses are missing and tells Natalie he doesn’t care that she took them and hid them, as she couldn’t even spell Prada let alone afford them. Chelsia tells him to calm down, as Natalie can’t break them and stay within the rules; she can only hide them. He’ll get them back eventually. He takes all his special things out of hiding, and Natalie tells him he’ll get his glasses back when she gets her Bible back.

It’s more Josh, as he goes to James, telling him he’ll vote out Sharon, and James replies it can still work for him with a “smooth operation.” Josh figures Sharon will forgive him if she ends up staying, as he’ll say he wanted to show they weren’t aligned. They talk about how she has no one in the house, not realizing her and Matt are playing each other or with each other, whichever, and James think it would be cool to send her out the door for a second time.

More on Josh. He claims he’s only begun to show his full arsenal to Natalie. He knows he can make her crack. He suggests cornering her, both going at her, making her cry and run off to Matt, and then getting Matt to hit him and get thrown out of the game. Those type of plans never work.

Natalie comes downstairs and tells Sheila and Sharon that she can’t believe how low Josh can go. They agree, and talk about how it all won’t be on the live show, but they know the live feeds will see this, and they can’t believe Josh’s mom will have to watch her son acting like this. Natalie mentions her missing Bible, and Sharon tells her she can read hers. Oh, that’s nice. They’re sharing.

Back to Josh as he walks back out to the backyard, and Chelsia tells him he is just like a gay version of Evel Dick. I’m sorry, but that line is offensive to Dick. Josh is waiting for Natalie to call a truce, and he’ll give her her Bible back. He knows she can borrow Sharon’s now, but it’s pointed out she has special parts highlighted in it for her. He jokes about highlighting the whole thing, perhaps in Black Sharpie, then giving it back to her. James says he has one other big trick up his sleeve, other than the pickle juice, and it will be priceless, but we don’t get to find out what it is, as the feeds switch just then.

I wish the feeds hadn’t switched, as I really don’t need to hear about Sharon and Natalie getting their periods, and how they’re going to need supers.

Back outside, as Chelsia thinks what they need to do to get Sheila’s vote is to promise to never talk about her son again. Eeww. I don’t like them using him for a pawn like that.

Upstairs, it’s getting pretty deep in the HoH. Ryan and Matt talk about not having a BFF, except for their girlfriends. Ryan admits to stealing Jen from her boyfriend and says he can do that to any girl he wants. Right there, it just made him ten times less appealing. He opens up about Jen, saying she blacks out when she gets drunk, and has had DUIs, plus doesn’t have plates on her car. Hope the cops are watching.

Natalie joins the guys in the HoH, and talks about not being well-liked when she was kid because she was a tomboy, liked sports, and was poor. She reverts back to talking about Chelsia’s stinky crotch again. After this show, how many guys do you think will be coming up to Chelsia asking her if they can smell her crotch? Matt thinks when they get beer they shouldn’t give any to James and should hide the chess set in the HoH. Natalie thinks they’re all so afraid them and that’s why they’re outside. She doesn’t understand what the big deal is with her abortions, as no one cares about the kid after it comes out. I’m not even going to get into that one.

The guys want Natalie to go talk to Sheila and pull the mom card, asking her how she’d feel if she were Natalie’s mom and had to watch her being treated this way. As she leaves to do just that, the Bros. Minus the Hoes pantomime finger puppets to each other, as that’s the only thing Natalie is to them.

Natalie finds her Bible in the SR, and Matt is telling Ryan he hid James’ clothes. She goes upstairs to tell the guys to give Josh and James their things back, and explains she said a prayer that she and Sheila would find her Bible, and it was then in the first place they looked. She’s happy to know God is working for her. Sigh.

Sheila is still claiming to not know about this plan to put James up on the block, and telling this to Sharon and Josh, he says it doesn’t matter, as they’re the only ones that have won HoH, and they’re pretty good, so they’ll just have to put the others up and vote them out. He does have a point. It may not have been a good plan if the others aren’t so good at winning HoH.

Upstairs, Matt thinks about cutting his hair, then decides he doesn’t need to, since he has no one to impress, apologizing at the same time to Natalie to not care if she’s impressed or not. He and Ryan discuss the name for the alliance, Bros. and Hoes, and while Sheila wants to change it to Bros. and Angels or Bros. and Little Angels (can you see my eye roll here?), she loses out.

Sharon lays on the cursed bed, saying she doesn’t believe in any of that, as she believes in Jesus. And after kissing Chelsia a few weeks ago, Natalie think she should baptize her mouth with anti-bacterial stuff.

You have to give it to Matt. He tries to explain to Ryan that he had his back. Ryan says he knows that, but last week, he didn’t vote for him to stay. James acknowledges this, but says Matt didn’t vote for him either, so he really needs to check the people he’s aligned with.

Sharon shares with Sheila that Josh told her if he and Chelsia are on the block next week they have to get Chelsia out. Sheila wonders what happens if Chelsia wins HoH, and Sharon says it doesn’t matter as first, they should win because they’re that good, and secondly, if Chelsia wins, she’ll put Matt and Natalie up anyway.

Chelsia and James are busy in the hammock feeling sorry for themselves and wishing for the good old days of the competing couples. Everyone else is inside, with those that can eat, eating dinner. After dinner, Matt leaves, and goes to lay down with Sharon, telling her she’s safe this week and that they never had any intention of her leaving. Riiiiight. It somehow has a calming effect on Matt, as he and Josh make up, and Matt even give shim a shirt. Chelsia then comes in and says she doesn’t hate Matt, and gives him a hug. What’s going on here?

The most exciting thing after this is Natalie announcing a need to go tinkle.

James, knowing he needs Sheila’s vote, apologizes to her, not Natalie, for the pickle thing earlier, saying he was just really upset. She says that’s okay, it just freaked her out a little. He plays the martyr bit, saying he’s just going to go home, as if he was to try and stay, he’d have to turn against Chelsia, and he refuses to do that. Sheila points out Chelsia has been kind of mean to people, and James uses that for an opening to see where she stands on things. Sheila tells James if he wants to talk, she’s open to it, and he tells her Adam said he’d vote for him if Sheila did.

James goes in and waits for Chelsia to get out of the bathroom and tells her Sheila is open to voting for him to stay. Chelsia doubts this, though, thinking she’s just playing with him. James tells her no, she’s upset with the others for throwing water on her. Yet, outside Sheila is telling Josh that she’s voting for Sharon, because she hates Chelsia. He promises to never use her kid against her. How f’ed up is that? If you vote our way, we won’t make fun of your kid.

James is telling Chelsia he’s pretty sure he can get Adam’s vote. His thought is to tell him he’s the only one there that can physically take out the other guys. He’ll then tell Sheila he’s the only one that can make Josh and Chelsia behave. Well, it’s better than blackmailing her with her kid. Josh comes in and tells them he can get Sheila’s vote, but he leads them to believe it would be for James, while it’s really for Sharon. They want Chelsia to work on Matt a little. They think they could even swing this 4-2 in James’ favor.

Matt and Adam are passing the time by planning a fight night for next Saturday between them. They’re going to have a training schedule, a press conference, a weigh-in, and everything. On the other side, James and Chelsia are talking sex, and he admits someone stuck something in him about a year ago that he didn’t want in there. I really don’t think we need to hear the rest of that, do we?

It’s back to game talk as Josh continues to play both sides, Sharon and James, and Chelsia has an idea to search through the Bible and find things to use against Natalie. Again, it’s that karma thing …

Ryan and Matt are bored, and Ryan says if it wasn’t for Jen, the only person he’d have sex with here is Julie Chen. I’m sure she’s thrilled. Josh ends up with Sharon again, and after she tells him everything Matt told her when they would lay in bed together, Josh says he wants Matt and Natalie up next week if he wins HoH. She replies she’d rather it be Matt and Ryan, with Natalie as a replacement. Eventually, Josh sees it her way.

Josh goes into the hot tub by himself and instead of praying, this time he talks to himself, complaining about the other HGs. He rants about Chelsia needing a time out, Sheila’s yeast infection, how he’s better looking than Matt, with better eyes, no tattoos, and not a weird accent, about losers that don’t go to college, how Natalie looks like a ferret, and how no one knows what Neiman Marcus is. I do!

Sharon and Sheila come out and join Josh in the hot tub, and Sheila calls him out a little, saying he didn’t go off on Matt. Josh only has cat fights. He defends himself saying Matt ran away, so he didn’t have a chance. If Chelsia had a chance, you had a chance. Chelsia comes out, and the hot tub crew changes by a person or two for quite some time, but nothing very earth-shattering happens, other than Sheila thinking she’ll seduce Matt to help her in the game. She refers to herself as Mrs. Robinson, and says it will be like the Graduate all over again.

Not much happens in the few hours after this before they all go to bed, other than a rehashing of the rest of the day. The three that will be the deciding votes, Josh, Sheila, and Adam, are still playing both sides. Other than that, we do find out that Natalie paid $19.99 for her nightgown at Target.

I have a feeling James is leaving no matter what, but it would make for an interesting game if would get switched around, just to even things up a little.

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